VICTIM OR VICTOR mentality?
you are only the centre piece in your story
Victim Mentality
We know these people. They live among us, heck, they are related to us. Are we them? There’s no avoiding people like these.
But first, let’s understand what victim mentality really is. How can we describe someone who has a victim mentality?
Simply put, such a person feels like the world is against them and that is why bad things keep happening only to them. They are quick to point fingers, be it at their friends, family members, partner, or even coworkers. I often liken such people as though they feel like the whole world revolves around them.
A colloquial way to describe victim mentality is people who “take things personally”, “have a negative outlook”, “only sees problems”, “act as though the world revolves around them”, “find something wrong with every situation ”, “avoid responsibility”, “don’t like to hear harsh truths”.
Someone with a victim mentality feels like they can’t succeed and constantly blames others for their misfortune. They don’t like taking action. Mind you, everyone at some point in life or even daily, may feel like the world is against them. The difference is that someone with a victim mentality feels paralysed by it and chooses to stay paralysed. Ultimately, it’s a choice.
Victor Mentality
Victors. We admire them. We want to be them. Sometimes we love them so much that we secretly hate them. That is because they are as reflective as a mirror comes; a constant reminder of who we can be, should be, but may not be at the moment.
What then is Victor mentality?
Victors wholly believe and have confidence that they have full control of their life and can change their outcomes or the outcome of any situation to a large extent.
Victors “are in control of their feelings”, “manage difficulties in their life”, “sees success as a must”, “make lemonade out of lemons”, “focus on inward confidence”, “find a way to keep going”.
Do you see the difference already? Whilst a victim blames others, a victor looks internally to see what (s)he can do for his/herself. Someone with a victim mentality will seek others who will comfort them with lies about the people who hurt them. Contrary to this, someone with a victor mentality will want to hear the truth, even if it hurts their pride.
Victors do not waste energy making excuses. Rather, they always strive to find a good way out of a bad situation. And that’s really what life is about. You will face adversity, its how you respond to it that counts.
How do you fix a Victim Mentality?
Be mindful. Be mindful, even when your mind is full. Life happens to everyone. In bad or meh situations, look introspectively. Do a self evaluation. Be accountable for your contribution that led you to the situation. Recount the lessons you can takeaway, how you can ensure you don’t find yourself in similar situation, and how you can make a lemondate out of your current situation so at the end of the day, it has a positive outcome.
Take ownership. When you find yourself in a rot, set goals and take progressive actions that moves you closer to achieving those set goals. Focus on what you can actually control. Identify 1 to 2 small things you can do to get started.
Shift your Focus—choose positivity. Your mind is your internal software. What you focus on, you create more of. Focus on the positive things you’ve got going on in your life, it can be as simple as having a roof over your head, or food to eat, or that you woke up today.
Be kind to yourself. Holding onto resentful feelings—self inflicted or induced by others—will lead you nowhere. Forgive yourself and others so you can forward.
Self care. Be sure to invest in your 360 wellbeing. Fill your cup, always. You might not be able to manage stress when you feel depleted.
Seek help. Have you ever considered talking to a therapist? Whilst therapists cannot miraculously wave their hands and you be rid of your victim mentality, they can help you explore the root cause and help you develop strong coping mechanisms.
“What you focus on, you create more of.”
How to embody Victor mentality
Focus on solutions not problems. Assess the situation, identify possible solutions, take action.
Build resilience. Resillient people have a strong threshold to bounce back from dire situations.
Embrace challenges. Growth happens in very uncomfortable places. See challenges as opportunities for growth and learning.
Be confident. Believe in yourself and in your ability to win in every situation, even when all seems bleak.
“Growth happens in very uncomfortable places.”
At this junction, what jumped at you the most in this article? Were you raised a victim or a victor? How do you respond to life’s unforeseen occurences? When did you last act as a victim? When did you last act as a victor? Is there a redirection you need to embark on based on this article?
You are not always in control of what hand life deals you, but you can control whether you face this blow as a victim or as a victor.
To the victim mentality crew, I’ll leave you with this profound thought; “Blaming others or everything else is easy, anyone can do this and so can you. However, your successes and failures are entirely your responsibility.”
Until next digest,
do what you want with this post.
